The season of returning
Yom Kippur reflection, Unservice, and more
Hi,
Rosh Hashanah is just behind us. Yom Kippur is a week away. This 10-day portal of reflection and forgiveness is known as the yamim nora’im, the days of awe. I feel like I am finally settling into the energy of this time. For several years, I have participated in a practice of answering a question a day for these 10 days, called 10Q by Reboot. You can try it here. At the end of the 10 days, right before Yom Kippur, one’s questions are “locked away” in “the vault” for the year and then are sent back the day before Rosh Hashanah the following year.
I just read my answers from last year. I am heartened to see that I have come quite a distance. A year ago, I was weighed down by heaviness, disappointment and yearning. Now I am lighter and more hopeful. There is much that hasn’t changed but my outlook has really shifted. I stand more confidently in my boundaries, needs, emotions and desires. I have softened around the keen and urgent yearning I have felt for intentional community and chosen family. And that softening has enabled me to be more present in the authentic connections that I have. Partnerships, supportive communities, dear friends, chosen family. A year ago, I couldn’t see or appreciate the good in almost any of it. And now I feel blessed. And still, I yearn.
So this year, I promise endeavour to be gentle with myself in my yearning. To continue the practice of asking for what I need and desire and the practice of being open to receiving it. Of bringing compassion to myself and others again and again. And to allow myself to hope that even if progress feels impossibly slow at times, the evolution of my life is well underway and next year, I will find myself more fully where I long to be.
In this spirit of gentleness, I have two Yom Kippur offerings for you:
An in-person, chanting, prayer and interpersonal connection Unservice on the afternoon of October 5th. Click the button below for all the details and to register.
A podcast that I recorded for you last year for Kol Nidrei. The (Un)service for the the eve of Yom Kippur. Click the button below to access it, right here on Substack. This is for everyone who needs some support to feel held in compassion at this time.
Yom Kippur Kavannot/Intentions
On Yom Kippur, we practice Teshuvah, which means to return. Return to our most precious relationships - with ourselves, our beloveds, our communities and the Divine. This time of year is a potent portal to support this practice of return. We reflect on the ways we have missed the mark in our actions and internalized thoughts. We turn to our people to ask and give forgiveness. We turn to our inner and highest selves to do the same. We turn toward the Divine and ask to be remembered and reminded for and of who we are at our core. We ask to be our most selves. We strip away the layers of “should” that kept us in survival mode. We reveal ourselves as interconnected, powerful and vulnerable beings who are perfect in our imperfections. We see ourselves anew and renewed.
This process need not be peaceful. It’s often rife with righteous indignation, anger, grief, hope, and relief. We’re allowed to be angry about the harm done to us and remorseful of the harm we’ve done to others. And forgiving doesn’t mean condoning. We can find our power in our anger. And we can find our way to healing when we allow ourselves to feel it all and choose to honour our feelings. We can cry, stomp, lie down, sing, make art, have vulnerable conversations (with people in person or spirit to spirit), go for long walks, take breaks, dance, and listen deeply. There are so many ways we can be present with our emotions, needs, desires and boundaries. Of course this process is not limited to these 10 days - presence with our authentic selves and those around us is a day to day practice. It can be whatever it is and it can change.
May you feel held and in good company as you practice your returning in your way. May you be comforted in the knowledge that at this time, you are in the excellent company of all the generations who have taken this time to practice teshuvah for at least hundreds of years.
What Would Lilith Do?
When I strip away the patriarchal training and conditioning of my life and Jewish practice, I find my Sacred Feminine self and I connect with Goddess. One of Her forms that has spoken to me most clearly over the years, is Lilith. The first woman, the partner of Adam before Eve. She chose herself over the garden of Eden. She refused a life of submission. She left. She said no. She is a powerful possibility model for me, especially when I imagine what she may have said yes to instead. Kohenet D’vorah Grenn and I have been having conversations about and inspired by Lilith and the Sacred Feminine since the spring of 2020 on a podcast called Tending Lilith’s Fire (originally Priestessing the Priestesses.) On Friday, October 14th, we’ll record our 50th episode and you are invited to join us and be a part of the conversation. You can access the archive of our past recordings on YouTube here to get a sense of what it’s all been about and you can register to join us live to share your thoughts and questions by clicking the button below. Together, we can ask and answer the question, “What would Lilith do?”
May we all find our way to our most selves, with the inspiration of possibility models, and by way of the closures and the new beginnings that we seek.
Shana Tova,
Annie