Jul 21, 2021 • 36M

Uncertainty and Salvation

Annie Matan
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Even as I share all this with you, I feel a bit shaky. The astrology of the past month and a bit has accurately reflected my life - shaky ground, murky waters, tumult and uncertainty. I offer this episode of Tending Lilith’s Fire (listen to the podcast version or click here for the YouTube video) and these writings that came through me on June 30, 2021, hoping that sharing my own experience can help you feel less alone if you’re going through it, too. And if you have been, I also recommend checking out last year’s Priestessing the Priestesses conversation about radical compassion for the Jewish holy day/portal of grief called Tisha B’Av, recorded around this time.

Complicated Soil

All month, cards pulled have pointed to and heralded creativity.
Artistic outlets
I’ve used up all my energy
on breathing in and out
keeping my cool
in complicated soil.
I point my blossom heads
towards the sun
grow so tall, I can’t help but bend
all the way to the earth
touch my root/toes
drip seeds
and wait
for the strength
for rain soaked cells
to stiffen stalks
and pull my back up straight and tall
so I can once again
face the sky.

Liminal Waters/Drowned Women Song

This week,
this month
have felt like pools of uncertainty
I never know if I’m
swimming or drowning
will the next gulp
bring sweet breath
or burning lungs?
Am I being carried
to or away from shore?
The deep is a dark womb
and it’s tempting to stay down.
The surface brings sunlight,
a sparkling magic show
but also waves that push and pull me
in opposite directions
until I have lost
up and down
and there’s only here
in this quiet
in this in-between
where I find my spindly limbs
turning me about
wishing I’d grow a powerful, shimmering tail
or emerge from the waves
walking upright on hardy legs.
I thought I was a siren
but now I’m a selkie stripped of her skin
A mermaid who traded her voice for legs
then found herself back in the water,
drowning and silent.
I don’t know who you are but I wish
you’d reach for me
pull me to safety
with strong arms, gentle hands
take me to your castle
on land or in the sea
I don’t care which, as long as you teach me
to breathe.
And once my lungs refill,
I’ll sing.
The song of all the drowning women before me
the song we sang before we were skinned,
filleted, deboned, and mounted on ships.
The song of power, yearning, sisterhood, of life and death.
The song of everything that love is.
I don’t remember the song right now
but I swear,
if you save me, take me home, breathe life and voice back into my body, give me a soft place to land, fill my belly and let me sleep until
all my loss has walked off into my dreams,
I swear, when I am whole and well again,
my song, our song will return.
It will sing me.
It will pour out of me.
The voices of all those drowned women
will return.
Their song, our song
will save us all.
It will heal us all.
Please bring me home.
Teach me to be whole.
I will be a vessel that can sing forth
our collective liberation.

A prayer for salvation:

What’s with my constant desire to be saved?
I’m tired of saving myself.
I want a lifeline.
With a soft ring of preservation for me to grab onto.
I’ve been treading water for so long.
I’m tired.
Save me, Mama. Save me Goddess. Save me Beloved.
Kadosh Baruch Hu. Shechina.
All the power that is outside of me or
inside of me.
Save me.
I can’t do it all by myself.

Today, as the sun moves into Leo, may we find our sea legs. May we feel well, comforted and supported.

If you are finding your feet and would like some Spiritual Guidance or a card reading to help align you to your path, even if you cannot see it, I can help. Reach out to me to book a Transformation or Flash of Insight Reading.